The Grump learned something new this month on Edisto Island, South Carolina. To produce the biggest, fattest, prize-winning camellia blooms, you need to start with Johnnie Walker.

   I took this myself!

What concerns people most in the country right now? Losing their jobs? Losing their retirements? Nope. It's how to properly prune their crepe myrtles Here's a step-by-step guide showing how the Grumps prunes his.

We had a terrible infestation of grasshoppers last year. What can we do to stave off these pests?

Photo by turtlemom4bacon

Most of you are scared to death of pruning and rightly so. That's because you do it wrong. Have no fear, the Grump in his great beneficence will reveal the path to pruning enlightenment.

The unthinkable happened this weekend. Spurred on by 70-degree temperatures and a nagging, insufferable father, my 15-year-old son, Brian, left the comfort of his TV, computer, and iPhone and went on a hike with me. I have alerted the networks. Geraldo is on his way.

Do you feel guilty when pretty flowers die? Then primroses might be the plants for you. Like super-novae, their magnificent blooms burn brightly for a short time. Then when the weather warms, most kinds die. And since you can't prevent it, there's nothing to feel bad about.

You don’t need supercomputers, weather satellites, Nostradamus, or Jim Cantore to tell you an unprecedented Arctic freeze is on its way. All you have to do is look in my back yard. My camellia is in full bloom. And that means the End Times are near.