A while back, the Grump linked to highly intelligent garden bloggers from across the country, so that each of us could present "The Six Plants I Can't Live Without." It was a lot of fun and incited a lot of discussion and possible future warfare. The July 2009  issue of Southern Living mentions this blogathon, so if you missed it the first time and would like to see which plants His Grumpiness picked, click this link.

Question from John: I live in  Wisconsin close to the Illinois border. Each year I purchase Gerbera Daisy plants. After about a week on the patio, the yellow finches pluck out the petals. They pull  them out one at a time. They do not eat them or the center of the flower. They just pluck them out and drop them. They strip all the petals from all colors and just the gerbera daisies.They do not touch the centers of the flowers. At first we thought they were taking the petals for nesting purposes, but they just pluck them and drop them. Once all the petals are gone they move on to the next flower. Any ideas?

The Grump replies: It is a sad commentary on the fallen state of the world when we can no longer feel safe around goldfinches. Most people trust these little birds as they would trust their own children. Yet see how that trust is repaid!

I have never witnessed such outlandish behavior myself. I can think of only 3 explanations:

1. They're looking for seeds in the center. When they don't find any, they move on to the next flower.

2. Maybe they are Illinois goldfinches making a border raid on you Wisconsin cheeseheads!

3. You're dealing with a group of delinquent birds. The Goldfinch Gang has come to town.

 An innocent Gerbera awaits its fate. It's a plucking shame.

Bird Gangs?

Don't be shocked. Ever since Alfred Hitchcock's classic horror film, "The Birds," debuted in 1963, we've known our avian friends had a dark sinister side. They tweet sweetly on the feeder, all the while selecting which one of us will get our eyes pecked out. Maybe it will be you!

Grumpians, can any of you offer John an explanation for why these finches are pillaging his Gerberas?

While John waits, he can take solace in the fact that behavior on his feeder could be even worse. 

Anyone know a good source for a bear baffle? This is what you get for putting suet in your feeder!
 

Growing Gerberas -- A Grumpy Quickie

Light: Full to part sun

Soil: Moist, well-drained (soggy soil es muy malo). I think that's Spanish for "very bad."

Water: Water thoroughly, then let soil go slightly dry before watering again

Fertilizer: Feed monthly with liquid bloom-booster fertilizer

Grooming: Remove spent flowers to keep new ones coming

Nice to know: Plants often do better in containers than in the ground

Watch out for: Goldfinch gangs

 

Many of you are asking: "Will the rain ever stop?" So I consulted Jim Cantore, Gonzo Hurricane Chaser and Prophet of Doom for the Weather Channel. The answer is, "No. It's going to rain every day until the last vestige of Earth disappears under the water on December 21, 2012. Get your end-of-days plan ready."

The scene above was the Grump's croquet court just two weeks ago. Oh, how I loved quaffing sherry while hobnobbing among the wickets with my high and mighty society friends who wouldn't be seen with the likes of you! But now it's just another malarial swamp choked by weeds and patrolled by water moccasins. And I was on the verge of beating the tar out of Prince Charles and Warren Buffett!

Now a lot of people will undoubtedly be depressed to learn that it's going to rain every single day for the rest of their lives. But I say it all depends on how you look at it. Is the glass half-full or is it filled to overflowing? If it's the latter, put on a happy face and fill your world with wonderful water-loving plants to brighten your day for the remaining three or so years we all have left. Here are some trees, shrubs, flowers, and bulbs you should plant right now between bolts of lightning.

The Grump's Favorite Trees for Wet Soil

1. Bald Cypress (Taxodium distichum) *

2. Sweet bay (Magnolia virginiana)

3. Red or swamp maple (Acer rubrum)

4.  Water tupelo (Nyssa aquatica) *

5. Sycamore (Plantanus occidentalis)

* Tolerates submerged roots

Fave Shrubs for Wet Soil

 Virginia sweetspire -- spring bloom

1. Buttonbush (Cephalanthus occidetalis) *

2. Summersweet (Clethra alnifolia)

3. Virginia sweetspire (Itea virginica)

4. Wax myrtle (Myrica cerifera)

5. Winterberry (Ilex verticillata) *

* Tolerates submerged roots

Beauteous Boggy Bloomers

Cardinal flower -- hummingbird favorite

1. Cardinal flower (Lobelia cardinalis) *

2. Crinum lily (Crinum sp).

3. Ginger lily (Hedychium sp.)

4. Ironweed (Vernonia sp).

5. Japanese primrose (Primula japonica)

6. Joe-Pye weed (Eupatorium pupureum)

7. Pitcher plant (Sarracenia sp,)

8. Canna (Canna sp.) *

9. Texas star (Hibiscus coccineus) *

10. Yellow flag (Iris pseudacorus) *

* Will tolerate submerged roots

Water Hyacinth Warning!!

Once you know the whole world is going to drown, invasive plants don't seem that big a deal. Nonetheless, I am honor bound by my sacred oath sworn before the Order of the Pink Flamingo to warn you about those pretty lilac-colored flowers floating on the water in the shot of my former pleasure garden. They are water hyacinths (Eichhornia crassipes), one of the worst water-loving plants you can inflict on nature. They're OK in an aquarium or birdbath, but releasing them into the wild where they're cold-hardy (Zone 7 and below) is like setting loose Charlie Sheen in the showgirls' dressing room. Things get out of control. Water hyacinths multiply incredibly fast and eventually cover large bodies of water. The sweep of them above probably started from a single plant some jerk threw out about 15 minutes ago.     

....if there's a letter and an IV. I planted cactus around my mailbox. Now you look like a case of smallpox.

You'd better wait a minute, wait a minute, oh yeah.....

Grumpians, ever since I saw this scene across the street from my friend, Jeff, I couldn't wait to show you. Ever get mad when your National Geographic gets torn or you get all your neighbor's spanking magazines by mistake? (I hope it was a mistake.) This is how you get even.

Meet prickly pear cactus (Opuntia compressa), the most widespread cactus in America and as far as I know, also the cold-hardiest. It will grow in south Florida, west Texas, the Nevada desert, and even in Canada. I'll never forget the time I was touring the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum (a great place -- don't miss the chance to see it if you're visiting) in winter and spied plain, old prickly pear cactus peaking out from beneath the snow. 

Prickly pear gets its name from two features. The first is the tufts of barbed, hairlike spines, called glochids, that cover its flattened pads. Glochids detach on contact, remaining in your flesh to torture you as long as possible. The second is the pearlike, 2-inch long, edible fruits that turn reddish-purple when they ripen. Showy yellow flowers precede the "pears" in early summer. Flower buds are just forming on the plant above.

It wasn't until I carefully perused the Hispanic food section of our local Wal-Mart that I discovered that not only are the fruits consumed in Mexico, so are the pads. While I'm sure the pads are delicious, I prefer food that's as spineless as I am.

A lot of people plant prickly pear to add a "desert touch" to their garden for some unexplainable reason. Why stop there? Complete the picture with some big rocks,  a rusted out auto body, a couple of scorpions, and a "Next Gas 100 Miles" sign. 

Few plants are as easy to grow. All it needs is sun and well-drained soil -- either moist or dry. A clump can eventually grow 4 feet tall and twice as wide. Dual methods of reproduction are why it grows almost everywhere. One method is having seeds spread when animals eat the fruits. The other and more insidious method is vegetative. Every once in a while, a pad will break off, fall to the ground, and root. Or perhaps an animal will carry off a pad and drop it, where it will root. Either way, prickly pear quickly traverses the landscape. In many places, it's considered an invasive weed. 

If you have no need to punish your thoughtful, dedicated postal worker ("Neither rain or snow or wind or spines of prickly pear will keep us from our appointed rounds."), there is another good place to plant it, especially if break-ins have been a problem for you. Plant it under all of your windows. The Grump guarantees no one will enter your house that way again. 

Do you have a plant you can't identify? Is there something going wrong with a plant and you don't know why? Send the Grump a photo! He in his awesome and wine-soaked wisdom will search his vast memory banks to provide an answer. If he can't, you've stumped the Grump!

Our first challenge comes from Claire, who writes, "I need help from the Grump [like who doesn't?]. I bought several packets of heirloom seeds from Lowe's last year and planted them. Last year, no blooms. The leaves survived the winter and now the plants are blooming. I have no idea what the blooms are. Any ideas?"

Thank you, Claire, for presenting the Grump with such a feeble challenge on this first installment of "Stump the Grump." The flowers are foxgloves (Digitalis purpurea), one of spring's most spectacular and exotic-looking bloomers. Spikes of spotted, bell-shaped blossoms in colors of purple, rose, white, and pastels may stand 5 feet tall. Hummingbirds like them, but deer don't.

Foxgloves are short-lived perennials, which the Grump treats as biennials. That means they grow leaves the first year, bloom and set seed the second year, and then die. Foxgloves occasionally live longer, but from my experience, after the bloom spider mites eat them up and you have to pull them up anyway. So if you want more foxgloves next spring, you have to plan new plants this year. You can either start plants from seed this spring or set out transplants in the fall.

This was the question posed to me by the Dolly Llama, a buxom beast with an enormous blond wig. I had journeyed for days to meet her in her mountain hideaway in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, known far and wide as the "Temple of Enlightenment."

"It's a simple question, honey," said the Dolly to me. "Two plants sprout in my garden. One is a weed I will pull up and throw away. Which one is the weed?"

"Ummm, I'd like to use my lifeline," I said meekly.

"This ain't 'Cash Cab,' honey," the Dolly replied. "You have to figure this'n out by your lonesome." 

Oh no. Now I know how W felt when Dick Cheney was in the bathroom and the generals needed to know whether to push that button now. There was only one option. I had to stall.

"So, what do you think about A-Rod and those steroids?" I ventured. "Shoot, what's wrong with a guy raising artificial cows?"

But the Dolly wouldn't bite, which was fortunate, since her gigantic, white canines could do considerable damage. "The Dolly's patience wears thin as her waist," she said menacingly.

I had to be like W -- say the first thing that came into my head.

"The weed is the plant you don't want," I said. "That's what makes it a weed."

"Ah, Grasshopper, you are wise beyond your years," said the Dolly. "Now shoo, honey. I got a semi truck full of lipstick due any minute now."

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My visit with the Dolly Llama came to mind this week as my wife, Judy, and I gazed at our front flower bed overflowing with pink flowers. "Are you going to leave those weeds there?" asked Judy. "Aren't they the ones you see along the highway?"

Well, yeeeessss. Her implication was that any flower that grew by the side of the road was unworthy of a cultivated garden. But these flowers are pretty. Known as pink or prairie primrose (Oenothera speciosa), this perennial wildflower (which is not a true primrose) is native to much of the South. It's 2-inch, pink flowers bloom profusely in late spring and early summer. Then the plant kind of dies down and disappears. But it's sneaky. Not only does it spread by seed, but its insurgent rhizomes slither beneath the soil in all directions until by the following spring, you discover you have almost nothing but primrose.

I didn't plant it. One plant came up and I let it stay. So like communism and Geraldo Rivera, it must be contained. Now I let it bloom in the spring. When it's finished and before it can set seed, I yank up as much of it as I can find. Next spring, I'll have just as much as I had before.

So is it a weed? You tell me. 

I sometimes think it would be cool to build a raised bed and plant one each of the most invasive plants I could find and let them duke it out. I'd plant pink primrose, wild ageratum (Eupatorium coelestinum), horsetails (Equisetum hyemale), gooseneck loosestrife (Lysimachia clethroides), artemisia, common yarrow (Achillea millefolium), chameleon plant (Houttuynia cordata), mint,  tawny daylily (Hemerocallis fulva), bracken (Pteridium aquilinum), ribbon grass (Phalaris arundinacea picta), and Japanese knotweed (Fallopia japonica) and see who emerges victorious. It'd be like gardening on WWF. 

So are they weeds to you? Which one would you bet on?

Grumpians, what six plants if eliminated from the Universe would drive you to the brink of despair? That is the monumental question I and other bloggers from around the country wrestle with this week. Read my list below, then click on the links to read the other blogs. Don't agree with our choices? Tell us yours!

1. Native Azaleas—Evergreen azaleas from Japan and China may be more popular than federal bail-outs, but give me our deciduous native azaleas every time. Each spring, I marvel at their grace, beauty, range of flower colors, and sweet fragrance. If God has made better plants, I have yet to meet them.The flowers shown above belong to Piedmont azalea (Rhododendron canascens), which is quite common in our Alabama woods. My garden also contains Florida flame azalea (R. austrinum), Alabama azalea (R. alabamense), Oconee azalea (R. flammeum), and the summer-blooming plumleaf azalea (R. prunifolium). Go native, Grumpiana! 

2. Narcissus—Tulips may be gaudier and come in more colors, but daffodils and jonquils are the best garden bulbs for the South -- period. They come back year after year, rodents don't eat them, and many naturalize and spread to form drifts. Because they live so long with so little care, many become heirlooms passed from generation to generation. You can't say that about tulips. And the simple fact is this -- no other plant signals spring is nigh better than the earliest, cheery yellow daffodils. On my list of favorite Narcissus -- 'Avalon,'  'Bell Song,' 'Falconet,' 'Geranium,' 'Hawera,' 'Ice Follies,' 'Intrigue,' 'Jetfire,' 'Minnow,' 'Quail,' and 'Trevithian.'

3. Spanish moss—Like gray shawls draping the shoulders of old women, the long, airy beards of Spanish moss are the South's most iconic symbol. I remember growing up in Maryland and returning with bags filled with with this ephiphyte from our trips to the Carolinas. We knew Spanish moss wouldn't survive winter up there and also needed moisture to survive, so we hung it in our laundry room. Too bad we forgot it also needs light. Spanish moss loves the lowlands and always grows its lushest near the water where the air hangs heavy like wet towels. It prefers certain trees over others -- you often see it dangling from branches of live oaks, magnolias, and cypresses, but hardly ever from pines. Thanks to global warming, it's now thriving in a neighbor's tree in Birmingham.

4. Lenten rose (Helleborus orientalis)—This is one of those plants I love because it gives me what no other plant does -- about two months of blooms beginning in early February. Eat your hearts out, Wisconsin cheeseheads! Hybridizers have come up with a dazzling array of new colors and floral patterns, but I'm content with the simple white and rose. The evergreen foliage is pretty year-round, the plant is carefree and tolerates drought, and seedlings provide many new plants. In my opinion, this and hosta are the top two perennials for shade. But since everyone (including bin Laden) grows hostas, I'm picking this. 

5. 'Antares' mum—Haven't heard of this flower? There's no reason that you should. It's an old, unidentified, passalong mum that I named for the first-magnitude, red giant star in the constellation Scorpio. It's a tall, floppy mum that will grow up a trellis if you let it and it also spreads by roots. It blooms very late, often not until mid-November. My father got it from his cousin, Welcome, many years ago in Maryland. Then I transplanted a clump to my house in Alabama. Each time it blooms, I remember where it came from. Wherever I end up, I'm taking it with me. My wife can come too.

6. Kudzu—Maybe I was wrong about Spanish moss. Maybe this vine is the South's most iconic symbol. It grows over a much wider range. Heck, it grows over just about everything. Brought to the South for erosion control, cattle feed, and shade for porches, kudzu (Pueraria lobata) has been much reviled for covering the world like Sherwin-Williams. But it has its good side -- every part of the plant is edible and you just haven't lived until you've relished some deep-fried kudzu leaves. Kudzu is so ingrained in the Southern environment and culture that if it disappeared tomorrow, we wouldn't recognize the place. I mean, what would we use to cover old school buses, rusty propane tanks, and abandoned houses? Kudzu, we need you now more than ever. 

Check Out These Excellent Blogs for More Plants Folks Can't Live Without 

Defining Your Home Garden. Written by Cameron in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

Digging. Written by Pam in Austin, Texas.

Diggin' It. Written by Judy in Boston, Massachussetts.

Fairegarden. Written by Frances in somewhere in Tennessee..

Fresh Dirt. Written by garden editors at Sunset in California and Washington.

Gardening with Confidence. Written by Helen in Raleigh, NC.

Hoe & Shovel. Written by Meems in central Florida.

Sweet Home and Garden Chicago. Written by Carolyn in the Windy City.

Mea culpa! Some of you have written asking what happened to Jim Long's list. It's totally the Grump's fault. I neglected to send him the correct date for the blogathon. You can still read Jim's list in the comments below. Sorry about that, everybody!

Most of the plants we buy at garden centers come in black plastic pots. After a while, you accumulate so many you could build your own Tower of Babel.

So what do you do when your garden center doesn't want them, the recycler won't take them, and town ordinances don't allow pagan towers? You're stuck. 

I hate liver. Hate it, hate it, hate it! Hate the way it looks, hate the way it smells, hate the way it tastes. That's why it's so weird that one of my favorite native wildflowers is liverwort.

Are you looking for a plant with stunning flowers and handsome foliage that's easy to grow and only a total idiot could kill? Then you want a nun's orchid.

.

Do you feel guilty when pretty flowers die? Then primroses might be the plants for you. Like super-novae, their magnificent blooms burn brightly for a short time. Then when the weather warms, most kinds die. And since you can't prevent it, there's nothing to feel bad about.

You know a good way to get even with somebody up north calling Southerners rednecks? Send them a daffodil picked from your yard on New Year's Eve and say, "It's already spring here." I swear you can hear the scream of anguish 800 miles away.

photo: 'Lady Clare' camellia

Q: I planted spring flower bulbs -- paperwhites, daffodils and hyacinths -- in early October. They have all started to come up and are have already several inches of growth. I might have planted them to early (just a guess on my part), but is there anything I could or should do now to still have spring flowers? Will the current growth just die off?
John Berchin

Q: Grumpy Gardener,
I live in north Texas and am new to gardening in Texas. Last fall, I planted over 200 tulip bulbs. Daily when I would go out to my garden, bulbs would be dug up by squirrels. It was a constant battle, they would dig, I would replant. Any ideas how I can deter them?
Thanks.
Connie Cleveland
Granbury Texas

Right now into December is the perfect time to plant daffodils, hyacinths, tulips, and other spring bulbs. But if the pathetic selection offered by home centers leaves you cold, do I have a name for you – an outstanding mail-order nursery specializing in easy-to-grow heirloom bulbs you can’t get almost anywhere else.

Q: Help!  The most beautiful rose I have ever seen is across the street and I don't know  it's name.  It is  a climbing rose and has been neglected for the last fifteen years, yet continues to bloom with more petals per rose than I have ever seen. 

Here is my question.  How do I move it from my neighbors yard to mine?  I have never transplanted anything in my life but this plant has been offered and I need to act right away.  Please try to help me if you can.

Thanks,
Judy Wynn
A looooooooog time subscriber.

(Cathy's Rust)

Q: I am so confused about replanting container fall mums. Can you leave the mums in a container for the winter or should you replant them in the ground? I have done both, and not had the best of luck. I know that mums roots can freeze in the containers. But I have transferred container mums in the ground before the first frost, with no luck. I live in zone 7.

Thanks.
Michele Quarton

With the possible exception of hearing that Matt Lauer has taken a permanent vow of silence, nothing brings me greater satisfaction than introducing faithful Grumpians to an underappreciated plant.x

Q: Hello Grumpy Gardener,

To our delight, we have a hummingbird couple living in our yard and frequently visiting the feeder near our patio. They seem to like our hibiscus but, I'm wondering what else we can plant that they will be attracted to in the flower bed next to our backdoor and in the planters on the patio itself. Thanks for any suggestions you might have.

Vicki
Charleston

Q: Dear G.G.,
In spring, I have a beautiful bleeding heart plant. Then in fall when it's dying off and gone, I have a large blank spot in my garden. Is there a late bulb or plant that can take its place? The bleeding heart faces west and gets plenty of afternoon sun. Thanks for your help.
Amy Polkabla

Q: I live in zone7 and I would like to move some hostas. When would be a good time? II would also like to plant and ornamental grass. When would be the best time to do that? Thanks, Roy

Q: I am a teacher and was given a beautiful orchid plant at the end of the school year. It's a month later, the small purple and white blooms have dropped and I'm left with a green stick.

What do I do now?

Deb
Fort Mill, SC

I know some of you probably wonder what kind of garden Grumpy has at his house. Maybe it sucks, providing him with little justification for turning his jaundice eye on anyone else’s. Not that he needs justification, mind you.

(photo: Salvia guaranitica 'Black and Blue'.)

Q: I just read in the Aug. issue that I need to cut back my leggy annuals, such as salvia by one-third. Does that mean just one-third of the beautiful blooms or one-third of the whole plant? I don't like the thought of cutting off all the color. They will look scalped! Am I missing something here?
Thanks for your help.
Emily in Macon, GA

Readers, do you have a lovely pond that you yearn to bury beneath a choking sea of foliage? Plant lotus and make it happen.

Q: I have tried on multiple occasions to grow potted geraniums to no avail. After about a month, the leaves toward the bottom of the plant start to yellow and I end up pinching them off. The blooms remain gorgeous but the I can't keep the foliage up. What am I doing wrong?
Thank You,
Ann Nelson

Every year, the Grump searches for a new flower he’s never tried before, certain that it will disappoint him as so many hundreds of them have done before

Q: SEVERAL years ago you wrote in your column that you had been to Charlie
Thigpen's garden and saw yellow impatiens growing in his garden. It seems
like you even mentioned stealing some from him.  Well I have since then
looked for these in all my garden stores in my area of Central Florida with
no luck. I did finally speak with one garden center owner who said that 6
small pots did come in. They were snatched up immediately by some very lucky
gardener. What happened to the yellow impatiens that  I thought would surely
take over in the garden world? Please, please email an answer to this
question or I am going to have to track down Charlie!!!   Thanks for any
help you can give in advance.
Sincerely, Audrey Williams

Q: I am not sure what I need to do for my plumbago. I got it last year and it was still in a large pot over the winter. I brought it in and let it winter over. It died back and I cut back all the dead wood...it was basically just a stump left. Now I have planted it in the ground, and its put out some new growth, but not much. Is it just too early to expect it to be further along? Do they need plant food? I love the blue flowers, last year it got to be about 3 feet tall and around and bloomed continuously until November. It was one of my favorite plants, but its not looking very promising this year!
Thanks in advance, Pat

Any gardener who has lived in the South for long knows that we’re not really so concerned about how cold-hardy a plant is. We want to know how many seconds a plant will survive once the temperature reaches 103 and a nice, hot breeze is blowing.

Q: Dear Steve,
I rec'd from a friend of mine what she called "pencil plant" a few years ago. I put it in a bed where it is now taking over at rampant speed. I am trying to get rid of it, to no avail. My latest attempt was to break it off appo 2" from the ground and spray it with a season-long ground and weed killer, and it just moves over and sprouts elsewhere.
I looked up "Pencil Plant" on the internet, and this is not like what I found there. This plant is just a cluster of straight green shoots with dark bands along it. It is a medium green, and actually attractive. It just need boundaries, which I have found out the hard way.
Please let me know if you have any tricks I haven't tried.
Thanks, Maybeth Gilbert

Q: I have 2 gardenias that are covered in black soot. I have seen tiny little white bugs flying around them (I assume these are white flies?) I would like to clear up the white fly/soot problem, as well as relocate these two plants. Each is about 4ft. tall and 5ft wide. I live in Lexington, SC, and our soil is quite sandy. Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. And I just loved your column in Southern Living and am so glad I found your blog! - Candy Hayes
Lexington, SC

(Colocasia esculenta)
Who’s hungry? If your eyes have glazed over waiting for The Man to drop food in your mouth, then you’ll want to know all about the huge, ugly tuber this cute, little girl is holding. It’s the thing elephant’s ears grow from. Most gardeners grow elephant’s ears for their gigantic, heart-shaped leaves which can easily reach 3 feet long. They like sun or part sun, moist soil (they’ll even grow in standing water), and are hardy planted in the ground down to about 15 degrees. Now’s the time to buy tubers at garden centers. The bigger the tuber you get, the bigger a plant you’ll get this summer.

In many places around the ground, the tuber is used for food. It’s poisonous when eaten raw (pity the dope who discovered this), but not when boiled, steamed, or otherwise thoroughly cooked. In South Korea, they stir-fry it; in Vietnam, they put it in spring rolls; and in Hawaii, they turn the starchy root into a staple food called poi. I tried poi once and it tasted like Elmer’s Glue. I think “poi” is the sound most people make when spitting the stuff out.